You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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