dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
