Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
