Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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