What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
