When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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