Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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