Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
