I just made out with a guy for $7.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
