and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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