I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
