I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
