I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
