At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
