you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
