I accidentally burped into my bong.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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