is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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