Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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