no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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