Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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