I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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