it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
