i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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