His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
