I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
