ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
