We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
