I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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