i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
