i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
