gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
