I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Damn victory sex feels great
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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