Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
