she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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