dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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