I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
