I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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