I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
