I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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