I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
