WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
