He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
