I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You can't special order awesome
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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