Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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