Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My feet surprised me
Randomize
