I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
