For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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