I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
