Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
