Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
