mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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