he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
