All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
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