Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
